Her future Vs her past

At the corner of her head it is blurred and clouded, and it is always at the corner of her head
She cannot see it but can feel it. She can feel it like it is happening now. How can you un-feel what you have already felt? How can you?
She never remembers how it went down or why.. those are the silly details to her. But she remembers what, how and when it made her feel what she felt
How it shock her, how she smiled nonstop, how she was numb for the whole night or how she felt when she saw the people involved in that moment- doing what they did

How can a feeling be unfelt and an action be undone?? It can not

She sometimes wants to go back and say all the words that sparked in her head, the adrenaline that rushed in her veins would want her to punch something or someone and the happiness that overtook her would overflow the area
But she is a girl of few words, a calm soul

But those specific moment that define her, those words she kept to herself, those feelings that she channeled elsewhere made her different

A Retrospective of her life, in one screen would be, a “would have…”
A “would have….” full of the things she would have done but did not, would have said but did not
Why? How could she say anything when her judgment was covered with emotions- happy, sad, angry, thrilled, jumpy, sleepy
How can she say what came to her mind? She has a brain that needs to work
How can she use her adrenaline? She has a choice to walk away

But when she is ready, she speaks what my brain has thought over- with full calmness and consciousness, her words are then meant to be said

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