I do not know what it is about people that makes them tell you things they cannot do. I am not blaming the hands extended to support me and the shoulders offered for me to cry on. Neither the advice put forward in my times of need. No! I am really grateful that I have a mother that gives me awesome advice and friends that pull my head out of messes. What I do not understand is some people going back and forth with a list of things that they think I should do about a situation. I believe that I am a person that is independent. I usually don’t ask for advice. I sometimes feel like a stubborn person. Usually I feel like I need to digest things to myself before I involve people. Why? Because I know for a fact that they will either judge me (except for my mother and 2 of my friends) or they will tell me something that is not doable at least not in the situation I am at the moment.
Something made me realize that I was one of the people I stated above that comes with a list of things that my friends have to do. Yes! I found myself to be one of those people who say “overcome the situation baby, you are strong, you can do this, stop thinking about him and go on with your day…” blah blah blah. Also I learnt that self-realization is the most important element in a human being that helps become a better person.
So what happened? I had a very unforgettable and painful experience recently. I broke up with what was my first love. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, not my life per say but my emotional life ( I am not even sure if that explains it but yea….) Anyways it was painful and made me see the side that I never had existed in me. I loved him and it was, for real, the first relationship that I had that was different in many ways and I was invested. (maybe I will write about it in the days to come but let’s go to the main topic) My friends knew that I was changed for this one so they were all excited and scared for me at the same time. So they all had different opinions (both my girl friends and my guy friends). Nevertheless they all were scared I would get hurt so I can see where the opinions originated.
So when my relationship ended, I did not want to tell anyone of them. I was the anchor to all my girlfriends. I was the emotionally stable friend, the mother figure, the one that pulled them together when they were scattered all over the place and when their emotions were confused. And yet, I found myself in that same potion I saw each of my girlfriends. I was devastated. I sat down in my room and I just sat down there, I couldn’t an didn’t want to believe what happened. I froze the whole night. My migraine it and I did not even want to take any painkillers. I froze-literally. I wanted to call one of my friends but I could not, I wanted to scream my lips felt numb and I open my mouth and nothing comes out of it. I wanted to tell myself what I told my girls, be strong, overcome this, this is all for the best. Pull yourself together you will be okay. None. Nothing. I could not even write, that didn’t even make sense at that moment.
The night went by, another day I went to the office and life went on the same drill. I couldn’t overcome what happened. Let alone to overcome the situation I cannot even believe it happened. I was then when I went out for my lunch break that things started to click in my head. My friends, the once I told to let go of things and didn’t listen to me, the once I told that hurting over a guy is stupid and didn’t listen as well and those who I’ve screamed at times and said nothing but cried lined up in my head one by one. I was now one of them. The strong girl who held everyone and told them to be strong and what not was now weak, fragile. That day I realized that having an option about someone’s situation is easy. It is easy to say and hard to put into action.
Those months were more painful than I expected because I realized a lot about myself. I am glad I did, I learnt and grew. It was then when I really understood that having opinions about emotional states of people is hard. It was then when I realized that overcoming an emotional distortion is not dependent on what people say rather time. I also realized that I should not have opinions for every of my girl’s situation. Even I, the strongest of the group can drawn and crumble and nothing any of them said will help me recover. And the things they said were the exact things I used to say to them. It angered me, but it was like looking in the mirror- self-realization! I was one of the annoying people I say I hate…. like the ones I mentioned at the beginning of this post- the people who hand the list of things to be done for a situation.